Does a bear shit in the woods?
Hell yes!
Does a bear use Charmin toilet tissue to clean his behind?
Hell no!
So, what does it say about American society when a blue animated bear must instruct people about what paper product they should use after a sit-down in their bathroom?
Yet there are thousands of Americans—if not tens of thousands—who rush to their favorite grocery to buy one of the most expensive brands of toilet tissue in the store because a blue, ass-shaking bear told them to do so. Their decision to purchase was not based on product quality or price but rather on the blue bear’s recommendation.
I suspect, without any real evidence, that some of these toilet tissue buyers probably participated in a CNN poll several years ago in which 10 percent of American law school graduates said Judge Judy was a member of the U.S. Supreme Court.
That is how advertising dumbs down Americans.
Macho muscle cars and heavy duty tough truck ads tell men what and how to drive while racy undergarments and leak protection feminine products tell women what to wear when they join those brutes behind wheels on a “night out on the town” during which time their parents sit home watching Blue Bloods medical ads about health products that have 15 seconds of benefits and 30 seconds of life-threatening side effects.
Meanwhile, mass shootings, debt-ceiling economic collapse, world famines and wars, environmental disasters, and the threat of nuclear annihilation are put on the “pay no mind to” list.
But there may be a solution to improving these little life absurdities.
Take that damn blue bear, insert a little artificial intelligence in its head, add 20 words to its vocabulary, and dye its hair orange—and America will have itself a president who will tell us he alone can fix every life problem in the country, from how to clean your ass, spell covfefe, drink bleach, and move a hurricane from one state to another with a magic marker.
We can all then rejoin the “leave it to beaver” era when a bear shit privately in the woods and toilet tissue remained in the bathroom unnoticed till needed.